Parents are always role models. You are a generation ahead of your offspring and therefore are always in the next phase of life. However, it is important that you behave your age and fulfill your role properly.
The age of your children is irrelevant. They will always look up to you. You don’t have to know everything about present day technology. It is your wisdom they seek. Whether you are a good or a bad role model is your choice.
Adolescence will seem, for most parents, like the time of the great uprising. Herein, all the moral values you have taught and modeled will matter the most. The opposite is also true. The values you failed to teach and model will come back to haunt you.
As in the case of one mother who asked me during the question and answer session, after I gave a speech, what she should do since she had never set down any rules for her child. The short answer: set some rules and hang on for the ride. The long answer: WW III is about to begin at your place. Good luck.
Appearing before a judge with a bad attitude will most certainly not produce the results you expected. As incredulous as it may seem, there are those who actually have appeared in court with an attitude and expected the matter to be resolved in their favor.
Once I remember a young man grumbling out loud that he needed to go. He was in a hurry. So the judge called his case, relieved him of his driving privileges and sent him on his way. Another time a woman slammed the door on her way out and was quickly escorted back into the courtroom. She stayed the night a guest of the county jail.
Passive parenting rarely produces teenagers who are problem solvers. When it does it was accidental. If anything, passive parenting serves to produce teens who feel that they are entitled to get their way. These are the youngsters who will behave as if they know more than their boss who happens to have years of experience.
In my experience, I have witnessed this scenario play out dozens of times. The teen openly defies the boss, is fired or reprimanded, but still fails to understand his or her place in the great scheme of things. They go home, complain to their passive parent, who in turn does not set them straight with some actual parenting. Instead this weak parent will call the boss to try to smooth things over for their offspring.
A day in court can emphasize the need to have purpose in your life. For many of my middle class friends the idea that one needs to have purpose in one’s life is a no-brainer. It’s one of those statements that will be met with a sarcastic remark. Something along the lines of, “no kidding,” or worse.
This is not the case for many of the young men and young women I have seen in court. Far too many live in state of stunted animation. There is no planning for a better tomorrow. What comes along, comes along. For many that something is idle time, which indeed is the devil’s workshop. Even if there are thoughts of a goal there is no hurry. Entertainment is king and so goals can wait.
Communication is the most vital part of a relationship. Bad communication is better than none at all and yet many relationships do not work at communicating. Sometimes we behave as if we can put our relationship on autopilot and we will live in bliss with no effort. There is no such thing as auto pilot when it comes to relationship.
Most every relationship that is experiencing problems began with a breakdown in communication. It requires work, real work, to communicate effectively. The biggest problem we create is we believe that all the sweet talk we do at the beginning of a relationship is the norm. It isn’t. We are simply flirting or getting to know each other, finding common ground. Yes it feels good, but most of the time that sort of conversation is shallow.
Our selection of a significant other, to a degree, reflects our self image. Some of the teens and young adults I have mentored continue to choose the same sort of people that they just broke up with. The values of the new boyfriend or girlfriend is no different than the last ones. And what do they have in common? My young mentees share these same values with their significant other. Surprised?
Many times I have asked about their situation and heard the disappointment in their voices at the way they are treated, again. Some have even justified the abuse they receive. One young lady told she deserves to be hit by her boyfriend. No human being deserves abuse, but until a person values themselves this will continue. True change begins with self, first.