When given the choice between hiring someone who is “smart” and someone with good work ethic, the latter wins every time. There is no sin in being smart or trying to be smarter, but the point is that very few people who are “smart” have poor work ethic. Most of the smart people I have met in my life are people who work hard.
Even in the classroom, I have found the same result. The majority of the teens I have known over the years, the ones who are “smart,” work very hard to earn the grades they receive. I have wondered this outloud for years, “funny how the harder a high school student works, the smarter he is.” Yes it is interesting, indeed.
Passive parenting rarely produces teenagers who are problem solvers. When it does it was accidental. If anything, passive parenting serves to produce teens who feel that they are entitled to get their way. These are the youngsters who will behave as if they know more than their boss who happens to have years of experience.
In my experience, I have witnessed this scenario play out dozens of times. The teen openly defies the boss, is fired or reprimanded, but still fails to understand his or her place in the great scheme of things. They go home, complain to their passive parent, who in turn does not set them straight with some actual parenting. Instead this weak parent will call the boss to try to smooth things over for their offspring.
Living and existing are not the same thing. Many of the young men and women I have mentored have dropped out of high school. Out of the ones I have stayed in touch with most of them have struggled to makes a modest living. Their lack of preparation has left them with minimum wage jobs or dead end jobs.
An education is not an end-all and does not guarantee financial success, but it does open doors of opportunity. Most of my young friends covet a life of excitement and do their best to be happy, but when one lives from paycheck to paycheck or as they say “hand to mouth” there is very little to look forward to other than another day working marathon hours to survive. This is not living. It is merely existing.
There is no such thing as an expert on youth. Youth culture is dynamic and therefore shifts continuously. It is always troubling to meet someone who presents themselves as an expert in youth, or makes a claims to know everything there is to know about youth. I much prefer the person who is asking questions, absorbing feedback, reading and opining.
Youth culture continuously shifts, it changes, it is dynamic. The most popular art form with youth culture continues to be music, however reading has also gained great strength; just ask our friend Harry Potter. Rap music has also produced a new and unique brand of poetry and poems. All of this has happened within youth culture. The best we can hope to accomplish in terms of expertise is to be dedicated students of youth culture.
A day in court can emphasize the need to have purpose in your life. For many of my middle class friends the idea that one needs to have purpose in one’s life is a no-brainer. It’s one of those statements that will be met with a sarcastic remark. Something along the lines of, “no kidding,” or worse.
This is not the case for many of the young men and young women I have seen in court. Far too many live in state of stunted animation. There is no planning for a better tomorrow. What comes along, comes along. For many that something is idle time, which indeed is the devil’s workshop. Even if there are thoughts of a goal there is no hurry. Entertainment is king and so goals can wait.
The day of court can be like the drunk who is about to be sick, he is full of regret and false promises. Unfortunately, if I was wrong, the recidivism rates of repeat offenders would be much lower, but they aren’t. I have been in court numerous times in my life alongside young men I mentor. Most have been repentant in those moments, but the lesson has really not taken root.
There have been a few who have learned their lesson and have never gone back to the friends or activities which landed them in court. In order to make this change there has to be a powerful motivating force. This force must create a need to examine his values and make changes accordingly. When I hear a kid say “I’m gonna be good,” I know we’re doomed to repeat this cycle soon. “Good” must be defined.
Communication is the most vital part of a relationship. Bad communication is better than none at all and yet many relationships do not work at communicating. Sometimes we behave as if we can put our relationship on autopilot and we will live in bliss with no effort. There is no such thing as auto pilot when it comes to relationship.
Most every relationship that is experiencing problems began with a breakdown in communication. It requires work, real work, to communicate effectively. The biggest problem we create is we believe that all the sweet talk we do at the beginning of a relationship is the norm. It isn’t. We are simply flirting or getting to know each other, finding common ground. Yes it feels good, but most of the time that sort of conversation is shallow.